Welcome to Health Canada Approves… where we ask you to determine which products have been licensed by Health Canada’s Natural Health Products Directorate.
Here are the results from last week’s poll.
- Hound's Ear: Enhances mood and improves well being (64%, 27 Votes)
- Vagininum: Organotherapy remedy to be used on the advice of your health care practitioner. (36%, 15 Votes)
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As the saying goes, you can’t make an anti-depressant out of a hound’s ear. Well, maybe that’s not exactly how the saying goes, but regardless, the actual Health Canada approved product is Vagininum, which bears Natural Health Product Number 80012308 as proof of its safety and efficacy.
Before we talk about what’s in Vagininum, I should explain what organotherapy is for the unitiated. I like to think of it as the unholy marriage of homeopathy and Traditional Chinese Medicine, using animal organs as the basis for its homeopathic dilutions. Water memory becomes tissue memory, which practitioners believe will cure diseases of like tissues in the patient.
She's not ineffective, she's just diluted that way.
So when Vagininum says that it’s a 6X (1 part in a million) dilution of oryctolagus cuniculus — european rabbit — we know exactly what part of the rabbit we’re imbibing. And so let me be the first to say:
- Yuck
- Eww
- Why?
- And yuck again
Of course, like all high-dilution homepathic remedies, there’s no plausibility or evidence supporting its magical principles, but why let the facts get in the way of a ridiculous treatment? And this one is simply mind-blowing.
You know, when Health Canada’s baffling approvals regime finally drives me to madness, I’m pretty sure that — as the the men in white coats are dragging me away — I’ll be screaming something to the effect of “Soylent green is bunny va-jay-jay. It’s made out of bunny va-jay-jay.”
Don’t know how I’m going to top this one, but I’ll take a stab — your choices for the week are below. And remember, the real product “has been assessed by Health Canada and has been found to be safe, effective and of high quality under its recommended conditions of use.”
- Kripps Heal-All: Traditionally used as a stomachic (51%, 22 Votes)
- Bhagavad Vitae: Traditionally used in Ayurvedic medecine as a rejuvenative tonic (49%, 21 Votes)
Answers next week…naturally!
I’ll be screaming something to the effect of “Soylent green is bunny va-jay-jay. It’s made out of bunny va-jay-jay.”
If you could pull of an effective costume to go along with the above line, you might find suitable temporary employment at a halloween haunted house. They tend to pop up around this time. I know that I would run screaming from that!
On a more serious note, Erik, roughly what percentage of approved products are based on organotherapy principles?
By my count – 1190, or about 5% of approved products. Interestingly, the product description is in French for all but 94 of those, suggesting that these products may be bigger in Quebec than in English-Canada.
Awesome Jessica Rabbit caption!
I wish va-jay-jay would be stricken from the English language.
at “supporting it’s magical principles” – that would be “its”. possessive pronoun, not contraction.
So it would. Fixed!
Grow up ! If it works, that is all that matters…if you look into it, many products were made with mammal urine or even at one point, menses! Maybe mama told you ta-ta it’s ucky….but many people taught their children to use the proper terms…come on you can say it VAGINA! There, that wasn’t so difficult was it?
>> If it works, that is all that matters…
Yes, but it doesn’t.
Vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina.